


I Really Can't Stay

by Philyra



Series: Don't Hold Out [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, F/M, Maria Hill Feels, Women Being Awesome, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9135037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philyra/pseuds/Philyra
Summary: In the end, Maria does show up.On her own terms, of course.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shorti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shorti/gifts).



The Quinjet hovers steadily in the air, at the edge of Wakandan airspace. Maria’s hands are tight on the controls as she continues her hails. “This is SHIELD QXF-1130, requesting entry. We can provide assistance, repeat, we can provide assistance.”

“Do you think they’ll let us in?” Helen remarks softly, sitting in the co-pilot’s chair.

“If they want help against Klaue, they will,” is the grim reply. “This is SHIELD QXF-1130. One of your attackers is Ulysses Klaue, whose abilities include emitting percussive blasts from a prosthetic gauntlet. We can provide assistance.”

Hydra is making one last play for the Winter Soldier. The lure of him in stasis is too much for them to resist, even with the barrier of Wakanda in the way. And now they have help, from someone who has his own ties to the isolated country.

She knows that Steve and Sam are somewhere down there, fighting alongside T’Challa and his warriors. The rest of the team scattered after the prison break - Wanda and Clint safe on his farm, Scott Lang hidden away with his daughter in the Maritimes. Steve, she knows, won’t leave Barnes so vulnerable, even in a place as well-protected as Wakanda.

There’s a knock at the cockpit door. “Any word, Commander?” Skye asks.

She opens her mouth to reply when the radio crackles. “This is Wakanda. QXF-1130, you are cleared for entry. Coordinates are being transferred.”

“Understood.” Maria glances over her shoulder. “Get ready, Agent Johnson.”

The younger woman pats the strap of her chute. “Oh, I’m ready.”

It’s all over quickly, once Skye enters the fray, and Maria sets the Quinjet down. “I’ll go out first, all right?” she tells Helen. “I’m not entirely sure what kind of reception we’ll get, assistance aside.”

Helen just looks at her, amused. “You’re not sure what kind of reception you’ll get from Captain Rogers, you mean.” Her gaze softens. “Maria. Surely he will understand that you had other things to do. People to save.”

The reassurance only makes the knot in her shoulders tighter. “I don’t need him to understand. It is what it is.”

“Then why are you so tense?”

“I’m always tense,” she shoots back, and lowers the ramp. As her eyes adjust to the dark, she can see Sam and T’Challa conversing with Skye, whilst T’Challa’s people gather up the fallen.

Only one person is in front of the Quinjet, and it’s the person Maria wants and yet doesn’t want to see. “I would say, ‘I come back to you now at the turn of the tide,’ but I have a feeling you won’t get the reference and you probably wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment, anyway.” Her voice comes out light, joking, almost, but she knows the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

She wants to hug him. She also wants to punch him. The feelings are not new, either separately or in concert. The man just seems to spark that type of reaction from people, aside from the initial spout of awe and loyalty.

From the expression in his face, his feelings are not so different from hers. It renders an already complicated situation even moreso, and she’s certain there will be a reckoning between the two of them at some point.

“Lord of the Rings, right? Clint made me watch so I’d get Tony’s ‘Legolas’ references.” He’s growing a beard, adding rugged lines to an already unfairly handsome face. His gaze is welcoming, but wary. “You’ll pardon my saying so, but you don’t look much like a wizard.”

“No,” she agrees steadily. “But I could probably find you one.”

“Commander Hill.” She won’t say it, but she’s relieved when T’Challa interrupts. “You have my most sincere gratitude for providing aid in the form of Agent Johnson.”

Maria bows. “Your Majesty. We have been monitoring Ulysses Klaue’s movements for some time now. He went off-grid a few months ago, but surfaced within the last few days.” 

Several of T’Challa’s men deposit Klaue’s body nearby and Steve leans over to take in the device that so stymied them in battle. “I suppose SHIELD’s been monitoring him because of that thing?”

She nods. “The technology is, as you’ve seen, only suitable for destruction.”

“I’ll say,” Sam adds wryly, striding over. “Hill.” He nods at her and she nods back, noting the very pointed look he sends towards Steve.

Whatever. That is not her concern, and she keeps on with the debrief. “...we had enough of an idea of how his gauntlet works to know that we would need someone with Agent Johnson’s particular abilities nearby. They were the only possible thing that could neutralize him short of finding the technology to render the gauntlet useless.” She pauses, looking around them. “With your permission, Your Majesty, I am at liberty to provide a full debrief on the matter, if that is what you wish. I have also brought someone who might be able to help with a particular patient of yours.”

Maria sends a significant glance of her own towards Steve and he barely has time to bristle before Helen appears.

“You never write, you never call, is that how it goes?” Helen scolds gently as she joins the group. “Everything goes to pieces, people get injured, and no one thinks to ask for my help?

The smile Steve sends her is genuine, Maria can’t help but note how easy it is for him to reach out and hug her. “You’ve been rebuilding-”

“And yet I would have come, if anyone thought to call me.” But she’s smiling as he draws away. “None of that matters now. I am here and willing to work with His Majesty’s doctors if they would have me.” She bows to T’Challa, who smiles and shakes her hand.

“We would be most remiss to turn away someone of your expertise, Dr. Cho.” He gestures forward. “Please. You must come to Birnin Zana. I would have you as my guests, and hear the full story.”

 

Later, much later, Maria escapes the quiet luxury of her room in T’Challa’s palace to walk the gardens. They beckon to her, the scent of unknown flowers lush and inviting, offering escape.

There are too many thoughts in her head, which is not altogether new, but she never sleeps well in a new place anyway.

In truth, she has been both dreading and anticipating this reunion with Steve. The cleanup after Ultron was already more than enough, but Nick had seen fit to keep her fully appraised of the goings-on within Coulson’s team. The Inhumans situation needed more than SHIELD was able to give in its current state, and she’d been extremely firm in that stance.

Which was why SHIELD now had SWORD.

And why Maria had been unable to do a damn thing when the situation with Barnes and Ross and the Accords had spiraled spectacularly out of control.

Maria had opinions on that. Opinions she had voiced, rather loudly and explicitly, to Tony Stark when she brought Helen to New York to work on Colonel Rhodes. It had been quite the shouting match, but afterwards Tony had been sufficiently cowed and begun the process of making amends with Pepper.

Maria has no illusions that this encounter with Steve will go so smoothly. For one thing, she is not attracted to Tony and vice versa, thank Thor for small mercies. What she and Steve have is complicated at best and a downright disaster at worst. It is one of those stories full of questions and missed opportunities and what-ifs and there have been more than a few times when she’s wondered if they should simply give up the ghost because nothing ever seems to go smoothly with them.

Perhaps Steve is harboring some feelings of betrayal. She certainly saw that shine in his eyes when he looked at her, the unanswered question lurking: Where were you? Where was SHIELD?

She does not blame him for those feelings. In many ways, SHIELD has failed in what it set out to do, both in terms of the people it tried to protect and the people it raised up in order to do the protecting. Hydra was the most obvious, of course, but there have been so many little failures along the way that no, she cannot blame him for feeling left behind.

But her duty has always been to something bigger, and she will not apologize for seeing to that duty to the exclusion of all others.

Not that she has a duty to Steve Rogers. A yen, a pull, perhaps, but not that.

A part of her says never that, but it is only a part. The rest of her is unsure as she never is, and while some of that could be laid at Steve’s feet, Maria is self-aware enough to know that her heart is also to blame.

He’s infuriating. Challenging. Inspiring. Compelling. And therefore, utterly and completely dangerous. She knows all of these things, has known them from the very beginning and yet here she is, caught in his orbit once more.

Anyone else could have taken point here. Klaue was not her responsibility. Melinda could have piloted the Quinjet, there was no need for Maria to do that - especially when she rarely piloted herself these days. Bringing Helen had been her idea, of course. It makes sense but at the end of the day it is also something of a peace offering.  _ I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with Barnes before but perhaps I can help now. _

It sounds so paltry in her head. But this...this is something she can do. She taught herself long ago that while she is more than willing to push herself to the absolute edge in defense of what she feels is right, there is still only so much she can do within a given circumstance.

As annoying as it seems, this is all the help she can offer right now. 

Rustling on the path in front of her brings her to high alert, has her reaching for her nonexistent sidearm and-

And suddenly Steve is in front of her, as though her thoughts have conjured him into being. Maria doesn’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed.

His hands come up. “Maria. I’m sorry, I didn’t know anyone else was out here.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she admits. Dawn is not very far off and she expects she and Skye will leave unless T’Challa needs them.

He nods, and it’s difficult to tell how he feels, with the way shadows and moonlight fall over his face. “I come down here too, when I can’t sleep. Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

It’s ridiculous, how easy it is for them to fall in step, walking so close that all she has to do is twitch her fingers for them to brush against his. His presence is so very solid and  _ there _ , but never threatening. The contradiction confused her at first, until she looked deeper into his files and realized that was the essence of Steve Rogers, even before the serum. 

“I didn’t know what to think when T’Challa said you were the one asking to render assistance.”

“You weren’t expecting me.”

He shakes his head. “On the contrary. I think I’ve been expecting you to show up for a long time. You have a habit of doing that; turning up when...” There’s a pause there, so quiet she almost misses it. “When you’re needed.”

It’s not quite the accusation Maria was expecting, but still she sees it for what it is. “Yet I wasn’t there a few weeks ago.”

“I thought you would be. You’ve always made your stance on heroes and oversight very clear.”

There is a bit of hurt there, a little bit of accusation, and despite herself Maria feels a flare of anger that he would jump to conclusions so quickly. “I have, but that doesn’t mean my opinions or the truth of the matter fit neatly into the black and white that you and Stark made it out to be.” She has always dealt best in shades of grey. “And I cannot always be there to put out your fires.”

Her words hit well and true, and she watches out of the corner of her eye as Steve considers them carefully. Some say he wears his emotions on his sleeve and there are times when that’s true, but he also knows when to play things close to the chest. It’s all there in the careful blankness of his expression and the way he holds himself - so straight and so proper.

It’s the very opposite of their last real encounter, high up in Stark Tower. He’d been the opposite of guarded then, warm and almost playful, and so had she, when he’d given her his jacket.

A jacket that is still in her possession. It’s actually hanging in the closet of her room here in T’Challa’s palace, because for some reason she does not like to be without it. She never wears it, of course, but she likes having it nearby.

Perhaps it is time to give it back. It’s a symbol of an expectation, an understanding, and they may no longer be in that place. She doesn’t quite know how to deal with that, either.

Steve’s words are quiet, yet they still startle her. “Is it bad that I wish you could, even though I know you can’t?”

They’ve stopped walking now, and Maria mirrors his stance as he turns to face her fully. Moonlight slants across his face in an almost unforgiving way. She stares at him for a long moment, wondering if she’s reading this wrong. Part of her expects him to demand her full support or nothing. That she will end up walking away from this thing between them because she will always, always choose her duty over anything else and not regret that.

Instead, he’s offering a way to meet somewhere in the middle.

“Not necessarily.” Maria takes the smallest step forward. “I’m not at your beck and call, Steve. But I will always try to help when I can.”

Some of the reserve bleeds out of him, softening his stance and bringing something close to a smile on his lips. One large hand comes up, just hovering over her hip and scorching in its proximity. “I think that works.”

“I suppose this means I’ll be holding on to your jacket for a while longer, then.”

The smiles blossoms into a full-on grin as he shakes his head. “Keep it, Maria. If you want to, that is.”

There’s no denying what that offer means, or what it means should she accept it. Maybe this is what she’s been working for. Why else would she be here, when there are so many other things that demand her attention?

“I intend to,” she declares, stepping fully within the circle of his arms and tilting her face up to brush her lips against his. They fit - not so much like puzzle pieces because both of their edges are too jagged for that - but in a way that sees. Recognizes.  _ Accepts _ .

As it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, Shorti! I tried to stay pretty close to what you prompted, although I couldn't quite fit Pepper in there. There were a few people who did decide to show up, though. :) I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Some other random notes:  
> -I didn't meant for it to happen, but this became a continuation of "Lend Me Your Coat."  
> -This plays kind of fast and loose with both MCU and comic canon.  
> -This is sort of a CW fix-it?  
> -In my head, Sam and Sharon got together during CW.  
> -I'm so rusty writing these two. And yet I have missed writing their dynamic.
> 
> Thanks to Kavileighanna for brainstorming and beta-ing. ILU.
> 
> As always, I'm available to scream about this universe and anything else you fancy on [tumblr](http://somanyfandomssolittletime.tumblr.com).


End file.
